How to Evict Your 30-Something

Coping with One Sign of the Infantilization Epidemic (Vol. 4; Issue 36)

Which problem infects rich and poor alike, surmounts cultural differences, and raises worry and fury within families?

Having an unemployed, unhelpful 30-something (daughter, son, nephew, etc.) who resists functioning independently and lives at home.

The problem intrigues me because several of my patients struggle with the situation. Complying with the woke ethic of our era, I begin with sociocultural considerations. Glendale, where I’ve resided for three decades, has a 40 percent Armenian population. Many of these families, like East Indian, Asian, African, and LatinX-Americans, live in multi-generational domiciles. Alternatively, many have children, cousins, and uncles, etc. residing close by. Thirty-somethings often reside with their parents or grandparents—a phenomenon less common in their Caucasian-American counterparts.

And, what’s wrong with that? Multi-generation households are on the way back. Outrageous housing costs, inflated prices of groceries, and other expenses make living alone almost impossible. These days, it is difficult for even two working adults to rent an apartment, let alone purchase a condo or house. For many, the return to multi-generational living situations will be welcome. Additionally, the epidemic of loneliness and the need to have a greater sense of community harkens the return of what was normative—even in America—a century ago.

These changing living arrangements differ from situations in which adult children refuse to contribute to households or who refuse to leave home (when they express the wish to do so). This dilemma creates stress for many families. Dealing with these plights requires an understanding of the dynamic tension between infantilization, on the one hand, and individuation, on the other. Unlike his mentor Sigmund Freud (1910), Carl Jung (1972) believed we humans are driven to individuate.