Awaiting the Musk-Trump Explosion

How Tension Builds Between Two Malignant Narcissists (Vol. 4; Issue 43)

Persons in mature relationships openly share their personal vulnerabilities. They behave like tightrope walkers grasping a balance pole weighted with self-valuation on one end and other-valuation on the other. It’s a moment-to-moment exercise. True, authentic intimacy requires, quite literally, eternal vigilance to harmonize one’s true desires with those of one’s partner.

The difficulty inherent in such relational struggles explains why most romantic relationships fall into sadomasochistic patterns. These need not be problematic. Usually, they involve more subtle leader-follower patterns than literally dominant-submissive ones. Psychoanalysts Lewis Aron (1996) and Phil Ringstrom (2014) address these dynamics. Couples display a kind of geometry (Karbelnig, 2017), which, ideally, assumes symmetry. It’s magical, but rare.

Whatever the personality styles of these admirable individuals-in-love, they cannot be narcissistic. The more the narcissism in either partner, the more impossible the relationship. Individuals with severe narcissism, a type Kernberg (1984) calls “malignant narcissists,” cannot care for anyone but themselves. They lack empathy. Their psychodynamics are straightforward. These persons cannot stand their own vulnerability and, therefore, they project it out. Emotional sensitivity? That’s in others. Fear? Also in others. In truth, their egos are fragile, nearly bursting with anxious insecurity. They enjoy the thin protection provided by outrageous grandiosity.

Witness, for example, how Elon Musk married three times, twice to the same woman. He has a reputation for being mean, even cruel, to colleagues and employees. He spawned a total of 12, almost-certainly neglected children. Trump, whose sperm only created five children, married three times. Here you see the relationship instability characteristic of malignant narcissists.

We’ve all observed Trump’s delicate relationships with others. The turnover rate in his first year in office was unprecedented. National Security Advisor Michael Flynn, Chief of Staff Reince Priebus, Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci, and HHS Secretary Tom Price had the shortest service tenures in the history of each of their offices (Keith, 2018). Trump selected them, projected some deficit in himself into them, and evacuated them from their jobs (and from his mind).

If one created an illustrated dictionary of narcissists-edging-on-psychopathy, Donald Trump and Elon Musk would prominently appear—along with Napoleon Bonaparte, Charlie Chaplain, Pablo Picasso, Norman Mailer, and others. Speaking of Mailer, his 1996 book, Portrait of Picasso as a Young Man, brilliantly describes how two narcissists cannot relate to one another. They must find individuals willing to introject their fecal-filled projections. Because narcissists have egomaniacal, Teflon-like shells, the projections from other narcissists bounce off them. When in close relation with another narcissist, these projections accelerate until their relationship ends explosively.

Picasso found an equally narcissistic person in his first love, Fernande Olivier. Initially, Picasso worshipped her. He erected a shrine to her in his atelier. But, over time, he became increasingly possessive and jealous of her. His vulnerability pierced his narcissistic shell. Picasso locked Olivier in his ramshackle studio while he partied with friends; when at home, he insisted she dote on him. No angel herself, Olivier began violating their initial, monogamous arrangement in reaction to the efforts to control her. Theirs was anything but that aspirational ideal of emotional intimacy.

Unsurprisingly, their relationship abruptly ended in 1912 as Picasso became more famous, took on other lovers, and Olivier did too. Here, again, you see the mirror-like escape from introspection. Picasso, rather than managing or integrating his emotional vulnerability, created an “all bad” Olivier, subsequently and harshly banished from his life.

Back to Mailer, listen to his brilliant description of narcissists-in-relation. He describes Picasso and Olivier as “half-persons,” “the opposite of mates,” noting how:

each half is forever scrutinizing the other… Narcissists do not join each other so much as approach each other like crystals brought into juxtaposition. They have a passionate affair to the degree that each allows the other to resonate more fully than when alone. It is not love we may encounter so much as fine-tuning. (p. 149)

With Musk and Trump, one witnesses precisely these passionate crystals in juxtaposition displaying more fine-tuning than love. Musk needs Trump to ensure his businesses avoid regulation, to evade paying taxes on his insane wealth (estimated at just under $300 billion), and to gain an appointment in the Trump administration. Trump, in turn, needs Musk’s money and influence to help him in the upcoming election.

Just two years ago, their story was different. In July 2022, Musk said,

It's time for Trump to hang up his hat & sail into the sunset.

That same month, Trump called Musk:

A bullshit artist.

Fast forward to August 2024, and see how their mutual dislike dissolved when both men realized they had something to gain from the other. Here, narcissism par excellence erupts. The parties wish to exploit, not to nurture. They become mutual parasites. Musk and Trump are in precisely the crystal-like relationship Mailer described—except the arrangement is becoming unstable. Their “passion” will linger as long as they resonate in mutual exploitation.

A positive feedback loop, involving evacuative projections bouncing off one another, will gradually build momentum. Tension will rise as exploited resources deplete. Such interpersonal circuits amplify over time. The metaphorical coil may gain tension before the election. Or, it may spring tightly afterwards. In any event, we can expect the Musk-Trump mutual manipulation machine to explode into a conflagration resembling blasts from a Space X rocket ship. Musk will hurl invective insults to Trump, vice versa, or both at the same time.

The countdown begins.

---

Enjoying this newsletter?

And check out my book, Lover, Exorcist, Critic: Understanding Depth Psychotherapy, available on Amazon.

---

References

Aron, L. (1996). A Meeting of Minds: Mutuality in Psychoanalysis. Hillsdale: The Analytic Press.

Karbelnig, A.M. (2017). The geometry of intimacy: love triangles and couples therapy. Psychoanalytic Psychology, 35(1):70–82.

Kernberg, O.F. (1984). Severe personality disorders: psychotherapeutic strategies. New Haven, CT: Yale University Press.

Mailer, N. (1996). Portrait of Picasso as a Young Man. New York: The Atlantic Monthly Press.

Ringstrom, P.A. (2014). A Relational Psychoanalytic Approach to Couples Therapy. New York: Routledge.

Keith, T. (1/19/2018). Turnover in Trump’s White House is ‘Record Setting.’ National Public Radio, Retrieved April 1, 2018.